Funny Statuses Read

Today, I want to share some collections of funny Facebook statuses you can use on Facebook and other social networking site. Funny Facebook status is one of the great ways to brighten up your Facebook and other social networking profile page. All these collection are written by real people. Below are list of funny statuses you can share with your friends on your social networking profile page.

If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot. Just because you have one doesn’t mean you have to act like one. If some people insist on acting like an idiot, then I must insist on treating them like one Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are. Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. Can’t believe that Facebook won’t let me set my relationship status to “in a relationship with myself”. I never worry about money. What’s the sense of worrying about something you don’t have? My wife would be a great success on the Parole Board. She never lets anyone finish a sentence. That one annoying relative who comments on everything you do on Facebook… Sometimes I hop on Facebook just to make sure some of my friends are still alive.. If I havent heard from them in a while! Lots of people complain about their looks. But not nearly enough complain about their brains. ▶Music♩♪♫♬ Volume: ▁ ▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ █ 100 % I feel like we’ve met before. It must be a case of déjà who. The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don’t have. Those who say they “sleep like a baby”, haven’t got one. Yahoo is the next MySpace. My computer has the Disney virus. Everything in it has gone Goofy. What is not started today is never finished tomorrow. It’s not how good your work is, it’s how well you explain it. What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be. I hate when I go to smell something and accidentally touch it with my nose. That sad moment when you return to your ordinary life after watching an awesome movie. I changed my name on Facebook to No One and spent all morning liking statuses so that it’ll say No One Likes This. Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average. Lazy Rule #33: If ice falls, kick it under the fridge. (174+Likes in 7 minutes – Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page ) Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese. Coin always makes sound but the currency notes are always silent. So when your value increases, keep yourself calm. You are not fully dressed until you wear a smile. Experience is simply the name we give to our mistakes. If you ever get caught sleeping on the job… slowly raise your head and say, “In Jesus name, amen,” The one who says it can’t be done should never interrupt the one doing it. Base your hopes on action, not on your dreams. Go to Google.com and type “Do A Barrel Roll” DO IT. Share this post and spread the word! I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on. I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos — I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference. Bad relationships are like speed bumps. They force you to slow down and think about where you’re headed. I want a boyfriend who… Actually, no. I would just like a boyfriend. Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off. The real reason women live longer than men because they don’t have to live with women. If Facebook had a dislike button, there would be that one kid who would dislike everyone’s status just to be annoying. (150+Likes in 13 minutes – Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page ) I’m in shape. Unfortunately, it’s the wrong one. If my room is clean, it means that Facebook is not working. It’s amazing how much I can get done in the hour and a half before I’m expecting someone over. Switch their facebook relationship status from single to taken just for attention. #Attention Whore LIKE IF you hate texting people first. LMS = Like My Status feels sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day thinks that without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza! is also available in Sober Beer! Helping ugly people have sex since 1862! thinks that beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer is having a beer on this glorious Sunday morning. After all, beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy! knows that there are better things than beer... But beer makes up for the fact that I don't have any of them... thinks that if beer and women aren't the answer, then you're likely asking the wrong question! knows that a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts thinks the problem with you is that you are a few beers behind! ALERT!! Facebook tried to keep this quiet! As of tomorrow, Facebook will creep into your bathroom when you're in the shower and smack your ass! To change this option, go to Privacy / Personal / Smack Your Ass and uncheck the "You Betcha" box. just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that "real" hippos don't actually eat marbles? is thinking that with all the technology out there, that someone must have figured out how to create a mirror that actually shows where objects are? says if wasn't for me, it would just be awesothinks it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶ _̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status. ̿̿̿ ̿’ ̿’̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ this is a stick-up… give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]! what has two ears and cant hear? —————–.> GRANDPA I’m not a racer….But i can fly. press the star below and watch it glow  ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ click star then up arrow to left to reveal status. I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet. Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant. X is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I’m awesome.. Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning. I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos. X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last. X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.